The Dark Path

The Story of Traumatized Viridimere

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The Dark Path is my trauma. I am bearing my raw insides and out to you, my little internet strangers, in hopes that you’ll listen. These are just as much for me as they are for you. It can be scary if you feel like you’re all alone in the world, like you’re the only person going through this. I want you to know that you aren’t. Despite the fact that having almost three decades of trauma inside me is unbearable, I know there is a way out of this shit. This is going to be my first step, actually letting it the fuck out, in my own way, in my own time, in my own fucking sailor/trucker dialect.

I feel like too often my story won’t be told the way it should be. I deal with so many mental illnesses, including thought processing, speech processing, and memory processing disorders. These posts might be scattered; they may sit unfinished for a bit while I recollect what went on. You might see middle of the post edits if you go back and read one you’ve already read before. Unfortunately, that’s just how it’s got to be. I can’t just get it out all at once.

I’m also a very eloquent bitch. I like to mix up my language and include the words bitch and eloquent in the same sentence. I wrote poetry to get through many of my issues, some, if not all of it, you’ll be able to read as well. I like for my information to be readable, relatable, and even more so, I like my retellings to invoke the emotions that I need to invoke. Like I said before, this is for me and you. I want to go back, read these and feel them, truly sincerely feel them so I can finally process what’s gone on in my life. I can’t do that if I don’t have the emotional attachment to them the way that I should. If I just write out facts, I might as well just keep doing what I’m doing and continue to desensitize myself from these moments so that they never get filed away properly.

These will be the retellings of snapshots or years of endured suffering. These are a release of pent-up information that has been tossed away into the back of my mind and they’re ready to be heard. Remember, names have been changed for anonymity. They may not be in a specific order. One day I might make a timeline of them. For now, it’s just about letting them go into another space that isn’t inside of me.