Yeah, you read that right. This college-trauma toting bitch is going back to school. BUT! And that’s a BIG BUT! This time, I do it for ME. Not for dread father, not for society, for ME MYSELF AND I.
I have wanted to go back to school for quite some time. I’ve been dabbling in Coursera courses and really trying to up my knowledge absorption game lately. I’ve spent over a year taking courses, slowly, but surely, and Jamison randomly mentions “if I go back to school, I’m only three courses away from my associates.“
And this hype-wife goes YAS BABE DO IT! There’s a position opening up for him and he needs his associates and hell yeah I’m going to be on board for this man! Not just for the money, lol, maybe just a tad but for real, this man furthering his education on his own accord in order to not only better himself, but better his position at work, to better himself career wise, and to better our family.
I mean what else could a fan girlie ask for in a hottie?? I’m totally down for him to do what he feels is best for his personal growth. I’m so proud of him for looking into it.
But uh, this sparked that body doubling and manic issue I have where if I have a personal interest, then someone else finds a similar or same personal interest, then my brain goes haywire and thinks it’s fucking go time bitch.
So instead of processing his amazing step towards betterment, I went full flying fucks into education connection because that’s going to be the right decision for me! Sorry, not sorry, I’m sure you haven’t heard that jingle in ages but good luck getting that earworm out.
I’d been looking at so many different degree options on how to get myself into an LPC position (licensed professional counselor). There are a lot of options. Let me tell you now that I would not survive doing a purely psychological degree. I would decease. Immediately. Too much biology. I’d been perusing nursing options, fuck no. Just as much biology. Landed my ass in humanities. What kind you might ask?
Social work.
Yup, social work. This is the PERFECT avenue for me. I remembered one of my group therapy leaders mentioning it vaguely as a better alternative to a psychology degree if I didn’t want to go into pharmaceutical psychiatry. Which I don’t. I don’t think I’d be the best person to go to when you want a full-blown diagnosis and medication treatment. I am too much of a medication directed person. I feel like if you have mental illness there are three things you do in order to heal yourself. You have to do all three for it to work. That’s to: go to therapy for counseling, go to psychiatry for medication, and actively treat yourself as a happy human even if it’s fake. If you don’t do all three, the big issues out there likely aren’t going to get solved in a timely and functional manner.
For me, having someone who is vehemently set on ‘therapy, medication, self-treatment’ all at one time instead of in an order, just isn’t someone who should be sending out medications. You need someone who wants you to take it slow, to start with counseling and self-treatment heavy acts first, THEN resort to medication when all else fails. I’ve had to rely heavily on self-treatment throughout my trauma and without it, I would not be where I am. No, I didn’t do it well, but that’s beside the point. I didn’t have a counselor guiding me through that self-treatment.
That’s why it’s important to go heavy on the counseling AND self-treatment. Not one or the other. You can seriously do some good damage that way and make some huge improvements in your life if you have a guide and you want to put the work into make the change. Only if you are unable to reach goals, should you add medication into the mix.
As a psychiatrist, I know that wouldn’t be my go-to for patients because I have way too much empathy for others suffering and I would be gung-ho for getting them medicated even if they hadn’t done the other two first.
Anywhore, the point being, pharmaceutical psych isn’t my vibe. Plus, on top of all that, I can’t say my own medication names, let alone ones I don’t take lmao.
I had wanted to be a psychiatrist at a young age, especially after having bad experiences with my own psychiatrists that I morally knew should not have been allowed to practice medicine. I knew that the access I had was right, but what I had access to was soooo wrong.
Knowing the struggle of not having someone to confide in because you don’t want to feel burdensome to your loved ones is hard as fuck. It’s a heavy ass weight. Heavier than you can imagine, if you’ve never been there before. I don’t wish it on my enemies Well, maybe some deserve it, but you know, ethics and all.
If I could fill that void for people, I can. I offer myself as a sounding board, as a void, as a place to find a hype-woman who is going to have beef with your grandma even if the most you’ve said to me is “bitch listen.” Like, bestie, I’ve got my piping hot cuppa, LAY IT THE FUCK ON ME. And I can be a versatile listener too! I will sit there and let you spill until you tell me that you feel better. I can give you logical and sound unbiased advice that could drastically improve your situation. I can also give you unsound and unhinged advice that could drastically destroy the situation but still make you feel better in the end. I am also capable of just validating someone. If you need validation, bitch I’m here for you because sometimes we just need to be heard.
I’ve been like this since I was young. I was the go-to when it came to my friends and strangers. I’ve had people come up to me and spill their entire life story while I’m trying to fill out the 30-page survey about my DNA structure for a doctor’s note and when they’re done? ‘Wow, I don’t ever open up like this to anyone, sorry I laid that on you but thank you for listening.’ Sis, I got you. I don’t know your name, but I am beefing with your second cousin’s baby’s mama’s brother’s sister’s boyfriend’s hamster with you now. We are in this together.
All jokes aside, I truly feel so fulfilled when I’m able to sit down and help someone with their life when it comes to mental health. Seeing someone on a journey of healing is so empowering, to be able to just witness the transformation they go through. It’s life altering in itself. People open up to me. I can’t let that just sit idly by when I could be out here as a professional charging way less than the majority and be here for people who truly fucking need it.
Starting with social work will get my foot in the door. I can get my degree in 90 weeks, I can get my volunteer hours in those 90 weeks, I can find my niche, I can figure out what type of a counselor I want to be, or fuck, if I find social work to be my calling then so be it. I could absolutely be a LBSW (licensed baccalaureate social worker) and be someone who helps them get their life back on track while doing my patient advocacy on the side. Or I can skip the licensure and start my master’s in clinical mental health counseling and become the LPC of my childhood dreams.
And on the upside, I’ve taken a shit ton of psychology courses, certificates, and done a ton of psychology-based research on my own that I could use to my advantage.
I feel like I’ve gone completely off topic at this point but that’s ok. Apparently, I needed to get this out.
What I came here to say is that I’ve started my bachelor’s of Science in Social Work. I’ve completed 63% based on transferred credits. All I need to do is my social work courses and volunteer hours and by the end of next year I could be a licensed social worker.
I’m proud of myself.
I’m doing this for me.
I’m not doing this to appease anyone. I’m not doing this out of obligation. It’s not like when I went to community college and was only going because I couldn’t get a ‘real‘ job without a college degree. It’s not like when I went for my bachelor’s of business in small business management and I had to appease my father’s wishes of not picking a ‘silly’ degree that would get me nowhere or that I ‘couldn’t achieve’ with my abilities. Because bitch I want this and I CAN ACHIEVE IT.
I know they’d say they were proud of me for going back to school and that they believe in me and yada yada yada. But where was that attitude when I failed consistently in math courses and I was told a photography degree was useless compared to small business management and entrepreneurship? Where was that when it was “go to college or get a job and gtfo!”?
It’s only because they would want to be sure they said the right things, not because they truly believe I could do it. Or because this is better than the call center work that I’m doing now, not because they truthfully think I should further my education and pursue my dreams.
But their opinion doesn’t matter now. It’s my opinion and how I want to view myself and what I want to do with my life. I support myself, my husband supports me, and my kids are stoked as fuck their mom and dad are going back to college. Although K2 thinks I should still make a go at being a YouTube star, lol.
I hope that I inspire someone to say fuck them hoes and that you go pursue your dreams. Safely and ethically of course. Don’t be doing wild shit because some traumatized woman on the internet said to say fuck them hoes, okay?
Ridi
Traumatized Viridimere 