I wanted to talk to both Jamison and Stardust about their experiences being with me as partners. Both Jamison being married to someone with DID and Stardust being a parter to someone with DID. I know the experience has to be odd in some way to them and I wanted some truthful answers about their life with me. Here is their interviews.
Jamison Interview
1. How long have we been married?
We’ve been married for almost 13 years; our anniversary is in December.
2. When did you first suspect that something was different about me mentally, or that I might not be alone in my head?
I didn’t really notice it at first. One of the alters told me directly, and afterward, I started thinking back on past situations. That’s when I realized, “Oh, that’s why she couldn’t remember what I had told her.”
3. What were some of the first signs you noticed?
Once I was told, I started recognizing everyone’s voice and attitude as being different.
4. How long have you known about the DID diagnosis?
A little over a year.
5. What was your internal reaction when I first talked to you about it?
It made sense. Things started to click and fit together.
6. How did you feel the first time you interacted with one of the alters directly, rather than with me?
It felt like getting to know you again, in a new way.
7. Has learning about DID ever helped you make sense of something from our past that confused you at the time?
Yes, absolutely.
8. What have been some of the biggest challenges in being married to someone with DID?
One of the biggest challenges is remembering that even though you’re in an adult body, sometimes an alter with a child’s mind and feelings might be fronting.
9. What have been some of the biggest benefits or positives?
I feel like I’ve gotten to know you more deeply and have been able to open up to you more. It’s also a bit like being in a poly marriage—but without having to sleep with a different body.
10. Are there particular alters you’ve found it especially difficult to connect or communicate with?
No, not really.
11. On the flip side, have there been especially positive or meaningful experiences with any specific alters?
Yes, definitely.
12. Do you find it difficult to keep track of who’s who in the system?
Sometimes, yes—usually when it’s the littles.
13. Do you feel like you know everyone in the system pretty well?
Yes, I do.
14. Do you tend to prefer certain alters for certain situations?
Yes.
15. Do you feel like the diagnosis has improved or complicated my ability to participate in the relationship? Why?
It’s definitely improved things. I’ve been able to understand why certain things trigger certain reactions, and I feel like I’ve been able to help more. The diagnosis has also helped me open up to the system in return.
16. Do you feel like the diagnosis has improved or complicated the relationship overall? Why?
It’s improved it. I don’t feel like I have to walk on eggshells anymore. It’s no longer full of fights about if you forgot something and I know it happened, then you are feeling attacked or like I’m calling you a liar. I now know that there are gaps, and you know you don’t have to hide those gaps in time. We’re also both more open about our wants and needs. We don’t always agree, but we support and understand each other and can have more open conversations about it.
17. Would you prefer for the system to eventually merge into one singular personality, or continue as individuals? Why?
I think they should continue as individuals. They deserve to be themselves. If they ever feel like merging, that’s up to them, but forcing it wouldn’t be right. Each has their own voice and deserves to be heard and to exist as themselves—as long as it doesn’t cause harm or put others in crisis.
18. What’s been the weirdest part of your experience being married to someone with DID?
Probably the sexuality of each alter and how each one, though different, still feels the need to touch my body. But it actually helps me too, since my love language is physical touch.
19. If you had to describe what it’s like being a partner to someone with DID in just two words, what would they be?
Amazing adventures.
Traumatized Viridimere 