Creatively Dry AF

I have music on, coloring books out, tablet charged, blog topics at the ready, all kinds of creative outlets I could utilize, but not a single one is turning on the faucet. Something they don’t tell you when you’re an aspiring artist is how numb you’ll feel when you hit a block on your creativity. When the muse refuses to stand beside you and inspire you with her awe-inducing beauty. Writer’s block is killing me too, I feel like I am forcing these words out, it’s almost painful, like forcing myself up a hill on a skateboard. I know it would work if only the incline became less steep. As I sit here attempting to write, I just feel numb, empty, just creatively dry af. I have about 10 topics lined up right now that I could dive right into, that have outlines, plans, hell I even have the majority of them written in my head, just ready to go, but I can’t touch them. They’re sacred and I’m covered in this drapery of heavy iron clad blockage.

I have music on to inspire me. Music tends to push me back into a creative setting but not today. I can’t seem to connect with the beat, I can’t sing to the lyrics, the music isn’t driving my muscles to even twitch to steady rhythm. Writing this is starting to help some, the words are coming easier now as I describe this horrifying numbness. I charged my drawing tablet thinking I could start up on a coloring book. I have tons of drawings I want to put together for a Traumatized Viridimere coloring book, inspired by the bold and easy coloring books I’ve been obsessed with. Shit, I can’t even bring myself to color today. I finished a page I had started yesterday towards the end of my shift and that was horribly painful.

It’s like I’m drained of every creative cell and molecule in my body. Which is a feat on its own. I’ve always been the creative type. From sketching to writing to playing an instrument or playing a game. If it’s imaginative I’m down. Except for charades. Fuck charades. I have 7 more hours on my shift and they’re about to be more boring than a filibuster if I can’t even sit here and listen to my certificate course videos. I only need to listen to the videos and answer a few questions, and I can be done with my psychology course. But can I do it? Nope. It sounds like Charlie Brown’s teacher on steroids.

I took the stimulation meds, what more does this brain want from me?! I have the coffee too! I ate the solids; I drank the clear liquid. I don’t know what else I could possibly do to get the colors working.

Ridi