Brief context, I will be writing about this situation in full, but I need to at least get this portion out of my brain right now before it implodes.
TL;DR of what transpired recently.
I went on a small mom-cation in a town less than an hour away that I am super familiar with. I stayed 3 days and 2 nights in a rink-a-dink little touristy hotel. The kind that someone would normally book if everywhere else was fully booked, but not an hourly type of place. It felt safe and comfortable. The second night I was there, after such a wonderful day, I was approached by a stranger, barely in his 20s, young white male with a dog. He lacked any ability to understand the social cue of being ignored and pressed for my attention which vacation me reluctantly acknowledged him. Then he solicited me, to which I replied, “I am happily married, I am not the one dude.” He seemed to take it ok and left. There was an incident later that night when someone knocked on my door and ditched. Then at about 1:30 am this gray truck rounded the parking lot twice really damn fast and pulled up as quickly as possible into the space next to me. Despite being absolutely crippled in my left leg, I’m quite nimble and fast when I need to be. I made it into my room, slammed my door, slammed in my clip, and snuck a peek out the window to see the gray truck sit for a moment then back out of the space. When he backed out, I saw it was the guy from before. About 2 hours later I went to have another smoke but decided against it when I noticed his truck parked directly opposite of my window and him wide awake peering out of the truck.
Alright, so my issue right now is, since I’ve gotten home I’ve been hallucinating. It doesn’t help that I’ve had nothing but issue after issue with my ex-parents over the past few months and at that point had gotten nowhere with my health insurance because of my issues with my ex-parents. I was headed towards a breakdown. But I got home and shit started moving on its own. Just sliding all willy nilly wherever it pleased.
I wasn’t seeing new things just things moving. Which is terrifying alone. I ended up with a super stiff neck, lots of confusion, and just generally feeling like something was fucking off. I took a useless visit to the ER only to return home and realized I was in shock. I finally felt safe in my home and I was feeling the shockwave of having been solicited, taunted, then viciously approached by a vehicle and watched by them.
All because I said no.
As someone who’s been stalked, attacked, and raped I guess it brought up some fucked-up memories for me. Now I am seeing things slide, hearing his voice saying things I don’t understand in tones varying from a whisper to a scream, hearing knocking, and hearing scratching.
I can’t tell if this is bringing up some other unresolved trauma and clinging to that or if I was just so vulnerable that it fucked me up that bad.
Either way, I’d appreciate it if the shit would fucking stop already.
Ridi
Traumatized Viridimere 